Day 13 - Yet another attempt!

Ok.....so since my last blog effort....I've quit smoking on a few different occasions. I'm trying. My latest quit/start of any significance was a 3 month gig....which ended on November 15th at a birthday party for a friend where I'd had a few drinks. A cigarette sounded so good. Inhibitions were down. That's where the story ends.....EVERYTIME. Once again it was at that fatal 3 month mark. That's where I really seem to struggle.

SO......on March 16th I tried something new. I purchased and listened to Hypnosis CD's to assist me in quitting. As of 8 p.m. last night, I've begun day 13 without a cigarette. The nice thing about hypnosis is that it takes away most of the withdrawal type stuff. I didn't get bitchy.....or anxious or any of that stuff. I did get a little tired a few times during the first week without nicotine....and during the first couple of days I felt a little "foggy".....like maybe my mind wasn't as sharp as it should be.

I will say though....that I have had some cravings. According to the CD I really shouldn't be having them......but off and on they've come along. Yesterday was a rough day for cravings. However, when I look back at this blog....I see that day 12 was a rough day during that attempt as well.

The hardest days are behind me. Now I just have to remain focused (especially at the 3 month timeframe) so I can push through this thing. My CD's have a reinforcement hypnosis segment that I'm gonna listen to. Can't hurt.

Starting Again

I made it 3 whole months without a cigarette.....and then.....I went out drinkin with one of my friends (who ONLY smokes occasionally when she drinks).....and we bought a pack at the bar and smoked.

Why???

I remember thinking I really wanted a cigarette....and that since it had been 3 months....I could smoke just for the night....and then be a non-smoker in the morning. Well....that was partially true. After that night of smoking....I went a whole week without a smoke. The following weekend....I rationalized that I was only a weekend drinking smoker. So....I smoked that weekend.....and then went till the following Friday before smoking again. This time...I wasn't drinking.....so I instead rationalized that I was a weekend smoker....whether having a drink or not. Haven't gone a day without smoking since. That was probably around New Years.

Good news is....I'm trying again!!! I had my last cigarette at 8 p.m. last night. It's currently 5:46 p.m. the following night....so I've nearly made it thru the first 24 hours. That's a big test. Usually if I can make it through the 1st day...I can make it through the 2nd and 3rd. It's just getting through the first 24 hours without giving in to the craving.

My skin was looking soooooo good after not smoking for 3 months. After smoking for only a month again...I've noticed it looking less healthy again.

I'm glad it's only been a month that I've smoked. Hopefully that'll make it even easier to quit this time. AND....I just need to STAY QUIT!!!! UGH!

So...today....like last time has been easier than I thought it would be. I haven't really had cravings so much as I've had moments where I felt I was "supposed" to be smoking. I just ignored them and kept going.

I see that I was CRABBY on day 2 last time....so that's something that I need to pay attention to tomorrow. That's the benefit of having a blog.....knowing the patterns you've gone through before.

Day 12 - Craving

As of 2 1/2 hours ago....I have officially gone 12 days without a cigarette....or any type of nicotine for that matter!! My body feels great!!! I have so much more energy!! I think my skin looks better and I don't smell like an ash tray.

I missed making entries the past couple of days cuz I put in real long hours at work. Ugh. The good news is.....I've had a really stressful job week and never once broke down for a ciggy!!! On top of that....it's a fairly new job...and I'm supervising a team. With the odds against me....it would seem that a smoke would be inevitible. Nope.

Days 10 & 11 I really didn't have any cravings. I was excited to think that it could actually be that easy. Tonight though....my first cravings hit me when I got in the car after work. I drove by the gas station where I used to buy smokes....and I thought about them again.

The major difference between today and the past couple of days is the amount of water I've consumed. Today was the very first day I haven't had a ton of water. So....my hypothesis is.....that water really does help with cravings...and therefore aide in assisting those who want to quit.

When I look back at my previous attempts to quit smoking......I see a trend. I find that when I first quit...I'm all gung-ho about it.....and it's during that time that I tend to do fairly well as a non-smoker. But....as time goes on....I somehow seem to forget why I quit in the first place....and all negative memories seem to evaporate...while only the positive thoughts associate with smoking remain. I would equate it to dating someone.....thinking the relationship totally sucks.....and therefore breaking up with them. And a month later.....wanting to get back together with the person you just brokeup with because even though 99% of the relationship may have been bad....you only dwell on the 1% that was good. By re-igniting the flame (both literally and figuratively) you aren't negating the negative aspects that were there the whole time....and that remain......and you're certainly not increasing the % in the good column.

Well...that's what it's like. Perspective.

So....since I'm in a craving mood.....I'm going to search the internet for horrible smoker stories that can do nothing less that scare the bejesus right outta me. That'll slap me right back into reality. AND....I'm gonna drink water. AND.....even though I'd love to go have a few drinks on this FRIDAY night....I'm going to sadly avoid such socializing. :( Sucks. But.....it's necessary.

Blah.

Day 9 - No problem!

Getting through day 9 without a smoke was no problem. I'm tougher than the average superhero!!

Ok...so I craved when I got into my car after work. Yeah.....and I craved once when I got home. No biggy. I want a lot of things. Do I get them? Well....yeah. I do. :)

I have found that by establishing realistic....measurable goals....I am better able to stay on track during the quitting process. My brain works best when I'm presented with challenges where I can see immediate results........or succeed at mini contests I create for myself. So.....for example....each day one of my goals is to NOT SMOKE. Another is to drink a minimum of 60 ounces of water. Another is to have no more than a cup and a 1/2 of coffee each day. They sound dorky....and maybe they are.....but they give me something to strive for.....and a sense of accomplishment when I am successful.

Do it. You'd be surprised at how simple something like quitting smoking can become if you break it down into daily components. By starting out with small goals....you gain confidence in your own will power and commitment. That added confidence will then allow you to graduate to bigger and better goals. Haha. I say it like I know. Sounds good though.

Ok.....so it's nearly 11 p.m......and I gotta get up early for work. Catch ya later!

Day 8 - Sleepy!

It's my 8th day without a cigarette!!

I think I might be gettin sick or something....cuz I've felt exhausted ALL day long!! As soon as I got home from work I had to take a nap. My volleyball team plays tonight.....or else I'd probably still be sleepin!

The only real craving I had today occurred right when I got into my car to head home from work. It was an obvious trigger moment....and a strong one! As I drove away I peered into my rear view mirror and saw that the driver right behind me was puffin away at her cigarette! I shrugged it off....and was out of my ugly craving time about 20 seconds later. No biggy. That was the only time it happened all day long! Not bad at all!

I gotta hop in the shower or I'm gonna be late for volleyball! My team is currently 2-0....with the hopes of hitting 3-0 tonight!!!! Yeeeehaw!

Day 7 - Cranky Stir Fry

It's been 7 days, 5 hours and 21 minutes since I had my last cigarette!!!!

Quitting "cold turkey" is tough!!! Other methods of quitting such as the gum....or the patch....provide your body with doses of the very drug you're addicted to. The primary withdrawals you go through are not adhering to the pyschological triggers associated with the actual act of lifting a smoke to your lips. It makes me wonder though.....how these measures REALLY help you get over the actual addiction to nicotine itself. A recent study that I read....which was conducted in Australia.....concluded that those who attempt to quit by utilizing smoking cessation aides have absolutely no heightened success rate to those who attempt to quit cold turkey. The study points out that pharmaceutical companies are raking in billions of dollars in sales associated with these products. Crazy.

Ok....so day 7 went very well. I really only had 1 major craving....which occurred at around 10 a.m. this morning. It went away in just a few minutes.......but in the interim....I really wanted a cigarette. I didn't want one nearly bad enough to actually consider smoking.....but it was still an irritating feeling nonetheless!

I do find that I still have the habit of thinking it's time to smoke. A few times today (as is true of the previous days of my "quit") I would finish a task....and then automatically almost turn to go outside to have a cigarette. I wasn't even craving one.......I was acting more out of habit than anything. The human brain is fascinating. I'm sure this will subside over time. What do they say....twenty one days to break a habit? Something like that.

I drank tons of water today. That helps. I also went to the gym. After my workout...I went to the grocery store and grabbed some healthy food for dinner. I think the simple act of not smoking actually allows you to view yourself in a different light. For me personally....I start to feel a higher degree of personal pride. Working out & eating right are the natural next steps wouldn't you say? When I went through hypnosis a few years ago....the hypnotist remarked that smokers tend to have the worst eating habits. I think that may very well be true! I don't think there is one fast food restaurant in the entire country that I could drive thru where they wouldn't recognize my face!! Yowsah!!!

So....I made veggie stir fry tonight with shrimp and chicken! Very healthy....and very tasty. During my cooking escapade....I did snap at my housemate. I was feeling unexplainably anxious....and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Never really know when the mood swings are gonna come up.....or what will trigger them. I just have to take peace in the knowledge that my cranky spells will subside soon.....and my housemate will be able to live without fear once again!

I'm feeling strong!!! My body feels soooooooooooooo much better already!! I never want to go back to nicotine!!!!!

One week down..........

Day 6 & the catch-up

Excellent!!! I've made it six days without a cigarette. But....let me back up......

My last cigarette was at 4 p.m. on Sunday, September 24th. That was right after the Seahawks whooped up on the Giants. Yeah...you know what I'm talkin bout!!! Man was I hungover too!! The 24th was my birthday....but I actually celebrated the night before by drinking myself silly at the clubs with a group of my friends!!! OF COURSE I chain smoked throughout the night...as is par for the course when alcohol is involved. So....as I spent almost all day Sunday in the horizontal position on the couch recovering....I could only muster a total of 3 cigarettes. This was WAY down from the normal 1 full pack per day that I'd somehow graduated myself to! And...you know how horrible a cigarette feels to your body when you have a drinking/smoking hangover! It's pretty bad. Every puff brings a new bout of nausea....and your lungs and chest hurt from the abuse you've put them through. Yet.....on that day....while necessary survival items such as food and water were not important enough to get me off the couch....my good friend nicotine sure was. Yep....I practically crawled on hand and knee to the outside patio to put myself through yet another spell of lung burning, chest aching, heart pounding, throat searing nausea. Blah.

At 4 p.m.....as I flicked that last cigarette butt into the sea of previously disposed ciggies known as our ashtray.....I made a decision. A decision to take control. A decision to quit once and for all. I was too tired and hungover to put much more thought into it....and my head was pounding....so I just took a nap. Avoidance. It worked.

The first day of non smoking went surprisingly well. I actually didn't have much of a craving....which seemed strange. I think my body had such an overdose from my Saturday night drinking bout....that I was good to go on nicotine for awhile.

Day 2 was tough!!! I was BITCHY!!! I completely freaked out on my boss at work for something VERY minor. He told me he was going to bring me a pack of cigarettes the following morning. Haha. I couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING. I literally had to read some of my email paragraphs 4 times before they even began to sink in. It was like my mind was moving too fast for my eyes...and the letters in the sentences seriously were not comprehensible. I had a BAD headache...and I was EXHAUSTED. When I wasn't a psycho freak at work...I was completely dead quiet and super low energy. Fun? As soon as I got home I went to bed and slept.

Day 3 was much better than day 2!! Concentration was still tough....and my mind was still racing a million miles an hour. My mood swings were a little more controlled though....and my headache (while still present) was mild. I do remember feeling nauseas...but not unbearably so. My stomach was also pretty upset throughout the day.

Day 4 the headache, nausea and stomach problems had disappeared. I had a pretty productive day at work and was able to focus fairly consistently. My cravings came and went...and I do remember a particularly strong one that lasted for what seemed like eternity. I just talked myself through it...and everything was fine. I should also mention that I began drinking at least 60 ounces of water a day when I quit smoking. This REALLY helped reduce cravings.....and I would suggest it to anyone attempting to quit. Besides....it's a good thing to do anyway!!! Day 4 went well for the most part. There was a crisis at my job that required me to be there from 7 a.m. till 7 p.m.. That was fine. When I got home though......I freaked out on my best friend of 14 years and told him that our friendship was OVER because he told me I didn't know how to work the DVR for the television. I mean I went off!! I used every word in the book!! I stormed off during one of my favorite shows........Survivor...... on channel 7!!!! I refused to look at or even talk to my best friend for the rest of the night. Umm....yeah. Make sense? Nope. Try telling that to someone on day 4 of not smoking via the cold turkey method!!! My friend just stared at me in confusion. I was not rational. *We're friends again......well......until he finds another household item he thinks I don't know how to work properly! THEN IT'S OFF!

Day 5 felt good! The only real withdrawal symptom I had was the occasional craving. I just smacked myself out of it and went on with whatever it was that I was doing. My 2 housemates smoke....but they do so outside.....so I just avoid the situation. I don't need temptation. It's tough enough doing this without seeing my nasty little white enemy smiling at me from someone else's mouth.

Day 6 is today!!! I didn't sleep particularly well....and I was cleaning the kitchen by 6:30 a.m.!!! It's SATURDAY!!! I should be able to sleep in on Saturdays!!! Oh well. I was productive. I was a little nervous about lurking temptations on my first weekend day as a non-smoker. It went surprisingly well!!! I went to the gym ( for the first time in 1800 years ).......ran 2 miles.....did 20 minutes on the bike and did some stomach crunches. Staying busy was extremely helpful!! The lack of energy that smoking had caused...prevented me from having the motivation to go to the gym. Without that hinderance I have tons of energy again!! Oh yeah...I should say.....that by day 3 I felt a noticeable improvement in the way that my body felt!! My energy levels have gradually increased every day. At this rate, I should be able to run around the entire world twice at full speed by next week!!!! Yeehaw!! I did go to dinner tonight with two friends that smoke. A couple of times they got up from the table and went outside to light up. I had no urge to follow...and just sat there alone....sipping my beer.....contemplating how well my non-smoking situation has been going!! YES. I had a beer. One beer. I'm aware that alcohol is a BIG trigger. For this reason...I limited my intake so that it would not result in behavior I would not be proud of. AND.....I was successful. When we got home....I had some cravings.....so I went to my room.....and pulled up "Day 6 Quit Smoking" on Google...and began reading the accounts of others like me. That gave me the motivation to start my very own....my very first ever BLOG!

It is now 10 p.m. on 9/30/06. My one week quit time will be tomorrow at 4 p.m.!! That's a huge milestone...and one that I'm going to be very proud of!! By taking each hour at a time...and in turn....each day.....I know I can do this!!! You can too!!!! You are stronger than the addictive drug that your mind and body crave!!! It's a chemical trick! Don't fall for it! Consider the long term alternative.....and really.......do you have a choice? I think not!

Tune in tomorrow for day 7!!!!!!!

Peace!

My Quit Story

Darn. I should have started this six days ago!! Oh well!

Here's my story:

My name is Matt. I'm 32 years old and have smoked off and on since I was 18.

I was always the "good boy" in high school. Never smoked. Never drank. I was an athlete. In fact.....I was a pretty good distance runner in track.

I had my very first cigarette during my freshman year of college. My friends and I had snuck away to drink some booze....and one of them offered me a smoke. I accepted. I remember them laughing because I wasn't actually "inhaling" it correctly. Well.....I was a quick study.....and 14 years later I still find myself trying to quit what I should have never started.

I quit "cold turkey" once for a year and a half. Pretty good eh? Yep.....until I was out at a bar one night...and thought it couldn't hurt to have "just one" after such a long quit time. BIG MISTAKE!! One turned into two....which turned into three....which turned into buying a pack. In no time at all I was just as hooked as I had ever been. It was as if that entire year and a half had never happened. I really thought I was stronger than that.

I was hynotized once. Quit for a full year that time. Nice thing about that was that there were no withdrawal symptoms. I just didn't crave a ciggy. Flash foward a year almost to the day...and I was in the process of a role change at work which had me completely stressed out. I turned to a cigarette for comfort. Yep.....one cigarette after an entire year.....and I was done. Dumb huh? You'd think I'd have learned my lesson. Nope.

Quit for 6 months a couple of times........and I've had a myriad of shorter attempts. Ugh. I'm ready for it to stick this time. I'm tired of having no energy.....smelling like a nasty ash tray.....worrying about health effects......ruining my skin. NO MORE!!!

My cigarette of choice has been Marlboro Ultra Lights. Don't let the "Ultra Light" part fool ya. They are NO less deadly than any other cigarette I could have smoked.

For most of my "smoking career"...I've smoked about 1/2 a pack a day. The last 6 months or so I've somehow increased to about a pack a day!!!!!! Gawd!!! WTF am I doing to my body? I used to be a champion track runner.........and now I'm poisoning my lungs...my heart....my brain.

I've tried most everything. The Patch....Gum.....Cold Turkey.....Hypnosis. Fortunately, my many failed attempts have provided valuable lessons as to what does and does not work. I now know that I can never have "just one cigarette" and expect to stay quit. I know that in coordination with my quit date (6 days ago) I also need to take a break from going to the clubs and having a few drinks. And....I now know that the most powerful tool that I have is my very own will power and determination to stay quit. Quit smoking aides are alright....but no match to my own inner strength!!!!

Many of my friends have given up on me.....or even laugh when I tell them I'm going to quit smoking. This time I want to prove them wrong. I want to show myself and everyone around me that I can REALLY do this!!!!

If you are reading this....and contemplating a "quit date" I want to provide you with all of the encouragement in the world!!!!! If you have already quit and are in the process of recovering from this nasty addiction, you have my sincere respect and admiration. It isn't easy...but it's possible!!!!!!

My quit date was 9/24/06 (my birthday). I hope that by tracking my progress on this blog I can somehow provide encouragement to those who seek it!

Unfortunately, I've missed logging the first 5 days of not smoking. I'll recap them briefly in my first log....which will begin as "Day 6".

Keep readin........